


Peace of Mind

by GeneralDairen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo dies, F/M, Moment of his death, Redemption, Rey is sad, shit i don't want him to die, well that's an understatement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 10:23:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15434967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeneralDairen/pseuds/GeneralDairen
Summary: It is at this moment that Ben realized what peace and balance truly meant, and made his final choice.





	Peace of Mind

**Author's Note:**

> There's no context other than : it's Reylo, Leia and Han are dead (and Chewie too, if you want), Ben has been redeemed and he's dying in Rey's arms.
> 
> I was kinda inspired by Killmonger's death, and wanted to imagine how would Ben's last moment be, if Rey and Ben (what do you mean they already are) were in love in IX.
> 
> Sorry.

His limbs were becoming weak and his breathing shallow and slow, but he kept on fighting with all his might to remain conscious.  
  
"Ben, you can still come with me. We can save you. Please..."  
  
"Why? So that they can condemn me for war crimes, sent into exile? Thrown away like trash, let rotten behind bars, alone and forgotten? I'd rather be dead with a peace of mind. You were right, Rey. Always have been. Light, dark... I might never be free of this torment... but this time, _just_ this time, I may finally be at peace. Just this time, I might finally be free, once and for all. And this time, I may finally join my parents, and make amends... for good."  
  
His voice cracked as tears welled up in his eyes. He shut them closed for a brief moment and inhaled heavily, composing himself.  
  
He found the dim sound of the breeze whirling around him quite soothing. The shimmering stars in the wide night sky reminded him of a time when things were simpler. He thought of his younger years, once upon a time, when he was but a child... dreaming to become a pilot just like his father.  
Chasing the stars on his own vessel, living all the adventures he had once yearned for - all the planets he could explore, the space and its wonders.  
  
He thought of what could have been, only if his life was different. Would Rey be there, too? If, right from the start, they were to be pulled by an entirely different fate, would he have been able to meet her here, too? Would the will of the Force have granted him a more normal life, with her by his side? Would their lives have been different for the both of them - could it have turned out better for her, too?  
  
Could they have been together, happy, and free?  
  
As he stared into the starry night, he saw a shooting star. He imagined it was his father passing through the sky aboard this good old piece of junk he could never discard, with Uncle Chewie at his side and his mother sitting in the seat behind.  
  
The thought eased his mind, and he could feel the soft rhythm of his own heart beating soothingly against his chest. Somehow, it appeased him.  
  
He smiled at her fondly.  
  
"Rey... You've waited enough. Now, the future is yours, and yours only."  
  
His tone softened and his voice was now steady and calm - as though his mind finally found harmony.  
  
"Thank you. For everything, thank you. Rey...  
I love you, and always will. Know that."  
  
Rey watched him silently.  
Tears slowly trickled down her face, but she said nothing. Right now, she couldn't.  
  
She cupped his face with her right hand, the other entangled with his left one as she gently stroke his face. She gave him a last, loving smile.  
  
He stared at her - his eyes ever so tender.  
Then, slowly closed them.  
  
A sigh escaped his lips.  
  
This one would be his last.  
  
  
Everything went blank.  
It was as though the mental barrier in her mind that she has so much strived to hold in place all her life started to crumble altogether, collapsing in an instant.  
Then, she let it all out - she let it all out, all the sadness and the torment, the sorrow and the loneliness that had piled up in her heart over so many, many years - unleashing in this very moment.  
  
She would not stop the tears from flowing down her eyes - this time, she didn't try to. She didn't try to suppress it, and she let it all go.  
  
And she cried.  
  
She cried, remembering the parents who had abandoned her, and would never come back. The coarse wind of Jakku carrying the sand, mercilessly lashing at her. The harshness of her years in the desert planet, the struggles of her poor, pathetic, ruthless life.  
She cried, the sorrow of her aching heart raging like a thunderstorm, ruminating on the one that she found, and just lost.  
  
She cried - she cried it all out.  
She cried, and the minutes passed. Until she couldn't gather enough strength to shed a single tear or to let out but a faint whisper.  
  
Until it finally stopped.  
  
Her forehead rested gently against his, and she opened her eyes - gazing at the one she fell in love with, his eyes now peacefully resting.  
  
She kissed him goodbye one last time, then slowly retracted her head.  
  
"I love you too, Ben. I will never forget you, never. I promise...  
You will always be in my heart. Always..."  
  
Her voice was calm and serene, yet filled with sadness and grief.  
A frail drop fell down her face and she pressed her eyes closed.  
  
"Thank you." She whispered.  
  
She let out a last small tear and slowly unfastened her hand from his, kindly kissing the back of his palm along the way.  
  
Then, she guided his hand away, tenderly placing it back upon his chest.  
  
  
  
  
She watched the fire swallowing his body, cremated as per the old Jedi way.  
  
She stood silently, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall yet again, the blazing flames reflecting onto her watering eyes, sparkling.  
  
She would stay strong. She will.  
  
And she turned away, her heart aching the loss of the one she loved as she let out a last stifled sigh.  
Then, she firmly straightened up.  
  
She wouldn't be diminished - she will live up to his memory. For her love, she will walk forward, strong and resolved.  
  
She smiled.  
It was a sad, pained smile - but this time, it didn't extinguish her determination. This time, she knew too well what could happen, and what could not. She learned that once, and she knew what she had to do.  
  
She now understood what she was meant to be.  
  
She knew it would not be easy, that she was no more than a mere instrument of the Force, just like any other - but she would embrace whatever may come after her, and strive to overcome it.  
  
Hope was a part of her, as was her pain and her sadness. She couldn't deny her grief and loneliness, but this time, it would never lead her life as it once did.  
From this day forth, she will move forward, by herself. For herself.  
  
She will live through her hope. She will embrace all the hardships, she will accept her scars, and will follow her heart - seeking balance and harmony.  
A never-ending battle.  
  
And she shall never stop.  
For all that she lost, and all that she will find. For all her friends and those who fought so bravely for the lives of others. To help the balance be restored.  
She will keep living on.  
  
For him.  
  
She will fight, painstakingly, and never give up.  
  
She will live.  
  
For it was who she was meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Well that was shitty.
> 
> Whatever, fuck this.
> 
> Just #SaveBenSolo.


End file.
